'Let's abolish something': Italians parody election campaign promises

Want to go back to jobs for life? We’ll get rid of reforms. Think pensions were better in the old days? We’ll scrap the cuts. Sick of paying for a TV licence? Under us, it’s gone. Don’t want student debt? Bye bye, tuition fees. 

Politicians’ pledges to do away with anything and everything that voters don’t like have been flying thick and fast as the March 4th election looms.

• READ ALSO: What you need to know about Italy's upcoming 2018 election

In the past few weeks alone, the Democratic Party’s Matteo Renzi promised to scrap the television licence fee, Silvio Berlusconi said his Forza Italia party would cancel employment law reforms, Matteo Salvini of the Northern League swore he’d get rid of both pension cuts and compulsory vaccinations, while Pietro Grasso of the Free and Equal alliance declared that public universities would no longer charge tuition.

Taking the biscotto is the Five Star Movement, which created a dedicated website for voters to nominate the laws they’d most like to see abolished. The anti-establishment party says it has already received more than 130 suggestions and would aim to repeal 400 laws in its first year in power.

• READ ALSO: Even Italy's eurosceptics have given up on leaving the euro

Italian voters are smart enough to take all this with a pinch of salt. In response to the rush to abolish, internet users this week created a pair of sarcastic hashtags, #AbolisciQualcosa and #AboliamoQualcosa – “abolish something”, “let’s abolish something” – and used them to share their own campaign promises, however far-fetched.

If Italian Twitter users had their way, phone calls in the cinema, selfies, vegan bolognese, Comic Sans and – shudder – socks and sandals would all be scrapped. They’ve got our vote. 

-La gente che ti tocca mentre parla
-La gente che mastica rumorosamente
-La gente che non capisce l'ironia
-La gente che urla in treno
-La gente che ti spinge come se non esistessi
-La gente che rosica
-La gente #AbolisciQualcosa

— LO SFIGATTO® (@TheSfigatto) January 10, 2018

"People who touch you when talking. People who chew loudly. People who don't understand irony. People who shout on the train. People who push past you like you don't exist. People who are jealous. People."

aboliremo le sneakers da donna con la zeppa

#AbolisciQualcosa

— NonTeLoDicoPiù (@affarimiei34) January 10, 2018

"Ladies' sneakers with wedge heels"

Aboliremo il ragù di seitan#AbolisciQualcosa

— Davi De (@davided81) January 10, 2018

"Seitan ragu"

#AbolisciQualcosa
I selfie pic.twitter.com/xlJJWamFPu

— jumanji (@Orasonolibero) January 10, 2018

Aboliamo quelli che applaudono quando atterra l'aereo #aboliamoqualcosa

— Enrico Azzu (@EnricoAzzu) January 11, 2018

"People who clap when the aeroplane lands"

#aboliamoqualcosa quelli che se gli squilla il cellulare in teatro/chiesa/convegno/udienza, anziché vergognarsi, rispondono alla chiamata

— Lella Quadri (@avvCicciotLella) January 11, 2018

"People whose mobile phone rings in a theatre/church/conference/meeting and, instead of being ashamed, they answer it"

#AbolisciQualcosa carbonara francese pic.twitter.com/QSC44yRQtW

— Andrea (@andrea10ADP) January 10, 2018

"French carbonara"

Aboliremo le chat dei genitori su whatsapp #AbolisciQualcosa

— valentina conti (@valedenina) January 10, 2018

"WhatsApp chats with parents"

#aboliamoqualcosa
I vecchi over 75 alla guida

— Raffaella C. (@RaffaellaBenson) January 11, 2018

"Over 75s driving"

Aboliamoli. Punto.#AbolisciQualcosa pic.twitter.com/qYYVjBbN4H

— Federico Bezzi (@Fede_Bezzi) January 10, 2018