‘It can be overwhelming’: What is dating an Italian really like?
There are plenty of well-worn ideas about Italians and romance, but is there any truth to them? And what is dating an Italian like really? From “intense” compliments to getting serious quickly, here’s what readers told us.
The idea of the fiery, passionate Italian lover is a stereotype the world over and, according to The Local’s readers, it’s not completely inaccurate.
We asked in a recent survey about your experiences of dating an Italian, and you overwhelmingly told us your dates were romantic, intense, expressive - and not always to be trusted.
“I have gone on a few dates with Italian men. They are very complimentary and romantic, and, for an American, this can be overwhelming since American men generally aren't like this,” says Su in Calabria.
READ ALSO: Here’s how to talk about love, sex, and dating in Italian
Bernhard in Rome says that when dating an Italian woman, “compliments need to be way more intense compared to Norway”.
“For example in Norway you could call a girl "quite cute" and that would be a good compliment, but saying that to an Italian gets you a red hand mark on your cheek,” he says.
“Italians are much more expressive of feelings, both good and bad.”
Some readers thought Italians express their emotions more freely than other nationalities. Photo by Matt Nelson on Unsplash
Bernhard adds that when dating an Italian woman: “It doesn't work to be ‘chill’. Courting an Italian requires effort and more intensity, and she will be a bit more reserved towards advances.”
He also points out that Italians pay “way more attention” to appearances: “No more going to the grocery store in sweatpants,” he says.
“I would say they live up to their stereotypes to a large degree, and it is also infectious.”
Solveig from Stockholm says: “Usually I date Swedes. So, my experience of dating Italians was different to say the least.
READ ALSO: 8 phrases you need for getting romantic in Italian
“In general the dates are more traditional and more romantic. Meaning the guy takes initiative in planning something and it's usually dinner and drinks, not a Swedish ‘coffee date’. They always paid for me as well, which is not generally the case in split-the-bill Sweden.”
Alexis from the UK agrees that Italian men are romantic and “usually very generous and traditional, which I like, but sometimes quite judgmental” and “it’s rare to find one who is loyal to one partner only”.
Several readers note that stereotyping goes both ways, and say this is something you may need to address with Italian dates.
“Italian men sometimes have preconceived negative judgments of foreign women,” adds Alexis. “Prepare for a whirlwind romance which might not last as long as you anticipate.”
Dating in Italy: a whirlwind romance? Photo by Filippo MONTEFORTE / AFP.
“They do try to sweep you off their feet, and they can be romantic,” says Michelle from Canada, “but they will drop you to run to their mom in a second.”
Solvieg tells us: “I dated a guy with whom I had incredible chemistry, but we would always just make out in his car, and after six weeks I wondered why he never brought me back to his place… Turns out he was living with his mom! And he was 39.
“So yeah, it turns out some of the stereotypes are certainly true! They're romantic, they pay, they're great lovers… and in the end it might all mean nothing.”
La Bella Vita: Romantic Italian phrases and the unwritten rules not to break
But many readers also report finding love in Italy - and say once you meet the right person, things can move more quickly than you might expect.
“I'm from the US and, although I think dating is not that different here in Italy, I have found that Italians are quicker to enter into a committed relationship than Americans,” says Helen in Bologna.
“We decided to be exclusive what I thought it was pretty soon after we had started dating. I was accustomed to the ‘what are we?’ conversation coming much later.”
Anne in Florence also notes that forming relationships “seems much more natural” in Italy than in the US, where “there's a lot more tension about dating”.
As for what Italians are like in relationships, many readers describe their Italian partners as “sweet”, “kind”, “caring”, “affectionate”, or “sensitive”.
If you start dating an Italian, things could move faster than you expect. Photo by Alberto PIZZOLI / AFP.
“He always keeps in touch with me when he’s away,” says Anna from the Philippines. “He always wants to have a romantic meal together. It’s like a new relationship even after a few years.”
And some readers in long-term relationships say that certain stereotypes don’t ring true.
“Not all Italian men are overly romantic as the stereotype would suggest. Nor do Italian men all cheat or have a wayward eye,” commented one anonymous respondent in Turin.
“But it is true to expect the mother in law to have a strong presence in your life in my experience. So check her out before you get married. Luckily mine is wonderful.”
READ ALSO: Three stories of finding love in Italy that will restore your faith in romance
Josie in Veneto says her Italian husband is “very honest about his feelings and much more open about expressing himself. I believe English men are much more closed about showing their feelings.”
Judy in Palermo says “Italians are very family-oriented and so are us Chinese,” although she reports that her boyfriend “does no housework at all, thanks to mamma who does everything at home.”
Many of the responses to our survey from women mention that traditional attitudes to housework and gender roles in Italy can quickly prove problematic.
“Culturally, Italian men seem to expect women to take care of the kitchen… regardless of their professional status or cultural background,” notes Shannon from the USA.
“If you want equality then don't date an Italian man,” says Michelle from Canada.
But readers who report being in a happy long-term relationship or marriage with an Italian partner say key pieces of advice for making it work include being clear about expectations from the start and, above all, accepting your Italian partner’s family.
Readers who stayed in long-term relationships with Italians said getting along with family is key. Photo by ANDREA PATTARO / AFP.
“Appreciate and embrace their culture, learn each other’s languages,” says Marie from Germany. “And give a lot of compliments - they live for it.”
“Stand your ground on things from your culture that are important to you, as Italians love to think their country and culture is the best,” advises our anonymous reader in Turin.
“Be prepared to be immersed into their family. Your girlfriend will phone her parents (if you are dating a southerner) three times a day and their family will always come first,” says Andre in Milan.
Andrew in the province of Latina says: “Choose the right family, not just the individual. It makes all the difference.”
Thank you to everyone who took part in our survey. Although we weren't able to use all of the responses, we read them all and they helped inform our article.
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The idea of the fiery, passionate Italian lover is a stereotype the world over and, according to The Local’s readers, it’s not completely inaccurate.
We asked in a recent survey about your experiences of dating an Italian, and you overwhelmingly told us your dates were romantic, intense, expressive - and not always to be trusted.
“I have gone on a few dates with Italian men. They are very complimentary and romantic, and, for an American, this can be overwhelming since American men generally aren't like this,” says Su in Calabria.
READ ALSO: Here’s how to talk about love, sex, and dating in Italian
Bernhard in Rome says that when dating an Italian woman, “compliments need to be way more intense compared to Norway”.
“For example in Norway you could call a girl "quite cute" and that would be a good compliment, but saying that to an Italian gets you a red hand mark on your cheek,” he says.
“Italians are much more expressive of feelings, both good and bad.”
Bernhard adds that when dating an Italian woman: “It doesn't work to be ‘chill’. Courting an Italian requires effort and more intensity, and she will be a bit more reserved towards advances.”
He also points out that Italians pay “way more attention” to appearances: “No more going to the grocery store in sweatpants,” he says.
“I would say they live up to their stereotypes to a large degree, and it is also infectious.”
Solveig from Stockholm says: “Usually I date Swedes. So, my experience of dating Italians was different to say the least.
READ ALSO: 8 phrases you need for getting romantic in Italian
“In general the dates are more traditional and more romantic. Meaning the guy takes initiative in planning something and it's usually dinner and drinks, not a Swedish ‘coffee date’. They always paid for me as well, which is not generally the case in split-the-bill Sweden.”
Alexis from the UK agrees that Italian men are romantic and “usually very generous and traditional, which I like, but sometimes quite judgmental” and “it’s rare to find one who is loyal to one partner only”.
Several readers note that stereotyping goes both ways, and say this is something you may need to address with Italian dates.
“Italian men sometimes have preconceived negative judgments of foreign women,” adds Alexis. “Prepare for a whirlwind romance which might not last as long as you anticipate.”
“They do try to sweep you off their feet, and they can be romantic,” says Michelle from Canada, “but they will drop you to run to their mom in a second.”
Solvieg tells us: “I dated a guy with whom I had incredible chemistry, but we would always just make out in his car, and after six weeks I wondered why he never brought me back to his place… Turns out he was living with his mom! And he was 39.
“So yeah, it turns out some of the stereotypes are certainly true! They're romantic, they pay, they're great lovers… and in the end it might all mean nothing.”
La Bella Vita: Romantic Italian phrases and the unwritten rules not to break
But many readers also report finding love in Italy - and say once you meet the right person, things can move more quickly than you might expect.
“I'm from the US and, although I think dating is not that different here in Italy, I have found that Italians are quicker to enter into a committed relationship than Americans,” says Helen in Bologna.
“We decided to be exclusive what I thought it was pretty soon after we had started dating. I was accustomed to the ‘what are we?’ conversation coming much later.”
Anne in Florence also notes that forming relationships “seems much more natural” in Italy than in the US, where “there's a lot more tension about dating”.
As for what Italians are like in relationships, many readers describe their Italian partners as “sweet”, “kind”, “caring”, “affectionate”, or “sensitive”.
“He always keeps in touch with me when he’s away,” says Anna from the Philippines. “He always wants to have a romantic meal together. It’s like a new relationship even after a few years.”
And some readers in long-term relationships say that certain stereotypes don’t ring true.
“Not all Italian men are overly romantic as the stereotype would suggest. Nor do Italian men all cheat or have a wayward eye,” commented one anonymous respondent in Turin.
“But it is true to expect the mother in law to have a strong presence in your life in my experience. So check her out before you get married. Luckily mine is wonderful.”
READ ALSO: Three stories of finding love in Italy that will restore your faith in romance
Josie in Veneto says her Italian husband is “very honest about his feelings and much more open about expressing himself. I believe English men are much more closed about showing their feelings.”
Judy in Palermo says “Italians are very family-oriented and so are us Chinese,” although she reports that her boyfriend “does no housework at all, thanks to mamma who does everything at home.”
Many of the responses to our survey from women mention that traditional attitudes to housework and gender roles in Italy can quickly prove problematic.
“Culturally, Italian men seem to expect women to take care of the kitchen… regardless of their professional status or cultural background,” notes Shannon from the USA.
“If you want equality then don't date an Italian man,” says Michelle from Canada.
But readers who report being in a happy long-term relationship or marriage with an Italian partner say key pieces of advice for making it work include being clear about expectations from the start and, above all, accepting your Italian partner’s family.
“Appreciate and embrace their culture, learn each other’s languages,” says Marie from Germany. “And give a lot of compliments - they live for it.”
“Stand your ground on things from your culture that are important to you, as Italians love to think their country and culture is the best,” advises our anonymous reader in Turin.
“Be prepared to be immersed into their family. Your girlfriend will phone her parents (if you are dating a southerner) three times a day and their family will always come first,” says Andre in Milan.
Andrew in the province of Latina says: “Choose the right family, not just the individual. It makes all the difference.”
Thank you to everyone who took part in our survey. Although we weren't able to use all of the responses, we read them all and they helped inform our article.
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